A Song With No Lyrics

It doesn’t feel like home;

my body reeks of your love,
and your body odour,
it revives those winter nights 
we spent, naked, warm in your bed.
I imitate your laugh, once a while,
in office, I try to be sane & sorted 
but actually I’m failing to be like you,
to adopt your indifference to love.

I feel hurt that I exposed
my emotional vulnerability 
in front of you.
As J. D. Salinger said,
‘Don’t ever tell anybody anything,
if you do,
you start missing everybody.’
I do miss you now.
But more than I miss you,
I feel hurt that you,
out of all, 
you counted on 
my vulnerability & fragility 
and exploited this occasion the best,
to abuse,
‘my idea of love’

Weak, tepid and broken,
I fell on my knees.

I doesn’t feel like home;
This body now,
it feels like someone else is 
living in it,
and he’s demanding to meet you,
to touch you, to kiss you,
to make love to you.
It feels like it is occupied by a stranger.
For after all that has happened,
how could my body want you,
my soul forgive you?

Because this constant wanting-
of  your fetid presence-
I detest it, my body, 
and I hate myself.

You not only scarred my body,
for I’m ardent whatever 
this body tolerates and suffers 
can be treated and mended.
Scars fade away,
skin can glow again just like the last time
but the heart, it never recovers.
Something like a ‘permanent damage’ 
is already done to it.

I do not wish to relive those moments
by documenting them here,
by using the ‘words’,
same ‘words’ which, only if, 
you could’ve chosen wisely,
I would be writing a tale of love
and not a confessional piece of ‘saudade’
I wonder why you did it,
what pleasure you got in abusing,
‘my idea of love’

I pray that you are empowered
by the energy 
which is disseminating love to all.
May you be happy and in peace,
may you enjoy love with ‘the one’ you love,
which I couldn’t do.

I wish you luck,
I wish you happiness, 
and lots of love.
And now,
I bid you farewell.

PS: I actually wrote a few stanzas of a poem in June 2017 (26/06/2017, to be the exact date), and I stumbled upon it yet again and I cannot believe that on the same date, a few months ago, I was giving life to something which I was going to experience after a long time now, love. But some lyrics are left to be completed and to be rekindled at their destined time. I guess my destiny was waiting for this time for me to write and make more sense with this poem when I’m all-alone, left by someone who meant a lot to me. 



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